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Everything Always


Mar 11, 2021

Today’s topic is super real and important, as we’ve seen a lot of people struggle with this during and after divorce. Parental alienation is something that today's guest, Susan Shofer, specializes in. Susan is a certified divorce coach who will be giving us insight on the extreme vs. mild cases of this problematic situation, the damage it has on children, how to handle it, and much more.

Listen in as Susan shares key insights from the many cases she has dealt with over the years and sheds light on how to cope with situations like this in a productive and healing way. You will hear about some of the lesser-known effects and trauma that occur as a result of parental alienation, as well as how to properly identify it and deal with it. If you or someone you love is dealing with (or even causing) parental alienation issues, this is a very important episode to listen to and share.

6:26 – 8:23 - A letter about parental alienation.

8:24 – 16:29 - Susan’s journey with divorce and how she helps people with parental alienation and more.

16:30 – 19:49 - How alienation starts and what to do to head it off or make sure it doesn’t get worse.

19:50 – 30:00 – Understanding when alienation is actually happening and when it’s not.

30:01 – 42:52 - Why parents cause alienation, the rationalization they use, and how the child is an actor in their play.

42:53 – 56:05 – Whether parent alienators ever stop alienating and how children see it when they get older.

56:06 – 1:03:20 - What to do if you are the parent being alienated.

 

Takeaways:

  • The importance of having an attorney who understands parental alienation.
  • What an alienated parent can do to make the situation better.
  • The mental illness and narrative behind alienation.
  • How children realize what happened and the common outcomes of alienation.

 

Quotes:

“When you’re dealing with alienation, just about everything that we do that seems reasonable—is not.” - Susan Shofer

“It is not about the he said, she said—and most judges see it that way. It’s worse after the divorce. Once the watchful eye of the attorneys, parent coordinators, mediators, and judges are no longer in view, the alienator has a grand old time and it’s hard to fight it.” - Susan Shofer

“The alienator breaks down the trust and they create fear, and that’s what keeps the children from wanting to see the other parent.” - Susan Shofer

 

3 Interesting Clips:

13:31 - 14:13 - The unreasonable instincts that occur when dealing with parental alienation.

15:38 - 16:20 - The importance of writing the divorce decree with parental alienation in mind.

32:00 - 33:51 – The signs of truly abused children and how they protect the abuser.

 

Links:

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